To have a good friend, be a good friend

Buddha said, "An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind". You are mentally ready and alert to being attacked by strange people andstrange creatures, but when someone you love and trust betrays you, it's akin to being emotionally electrocuted. We often bemoan our fate and say, "How could I have been so wrong in my judgement?" Or, we simply stop trusting ever again. I agree with the judgement moan, because we clearly did not pick wisely, but the fact is, we encounter all kinds of people our entire lives, and we cannot be so distrustful so as to never allow ourselves the possibilities of finding ourselves a fabulous friend. I blindly trust people I like. My friends can call me at 3 am, I will fly across the world so a friend can cry on my shoulders and I would never betray anyone's confidence. If they let me down, I see it as their loss, because I know I make a great friend. From experience I can say that 99 percent of my friendships have gotten stronger and deeper over the years. My childhood friends, my school friends, my day-to-day friends as well as work friends are those that have remained rock solid over the years. I attribute this to the fact that I made them a part of my orbit because I liked who they were as people, not because they were important, famous, useful , convenient, time pass, or complimentary. It is said that blood is thicker than water, but I think a good friendship is thicker than blood. Wish you all the ability to be a great friend. It automatically leads to having one. I am a 17-year-old girl. During my school days, I was great friends with this girl. We were best buddies and would hang out with each other, but now she has joined another college and has started avoiding me. Sometimes when she invites me along with her other friends she cracks jokes at my expense. I am very hurt and upset, but I don't want to lose my friend. What should I do? Well, she's clearly not sterling friend material, so I don't know why you want to bother with holding onto someone who is so disrespectful to you and the wonderful bond you have shared. It's good you found out at this juncture, before you invested any more time, energy and emotion into this fair- weather friend. Tell her you have enjoyed your association with her, but that it's becoming hurtful; and that you are always there if she were to need you... then let it go! You've proved your friendship, let her prove hers if it matters to her. I am 24-year-old man in love with a 23-year-old girl who has been my neighbour for many years. However, our families don't agree to the match. She says she loves me, but isn't willing to leave her parents for me. My friends say that she is money-minded and that's why she isn't willing to sacrifice the luxuries that money provide. Please help... Whether she is money-minded or respectful of her parents and familial responsibilities, the fact still is that she chooses to not be with you forever. Not all love affairs end up like tragic novels featuring Romeo and Juliet, or a Hindi movie where hero and heroine love against all odds and make marriage happen. Welcome to the real world. If she loves you that deeply, she'll make it known through actions not words. Else, it's time to move on! My boyfriend is a great guy, but every time I am out with my friends he keeps calling and checking where I am. When I tell him not to do so, he says he does it out of concern, but I think he doesn't trust me. On the other hand, when he is out with his friends he gets very upset if I call him to check on him. Does his behaviour indicate that he doesn't trust me? What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Tell him the same rules must apply to both of you. Either you are both entitled to call and keep tabs, (which is not necessarily a bad thing, as clarity of situations and honesty builds trust), or both should respect each other's time out and that this trust is mutual. Trust is built over time, months, years and decades, but takes just a minute to break. It's important for both to extend building blocks for the same. You allowing him to check on you is a way to build it, his not allowing you to call him is a worrying way of demanding it. I am 22-year-old girl. I was dating a guy for the last one year. We broke off recently. Now, my best friend is dating him. I am completely okay with it. But my friend feels that I want to sabotage her relationship. I don't want to lose her because she has been my childhood friend, but at the same time I can't handle her insecurities. What should I do? I never ever date the men my friends have dated. It's painful and will either strain or break friendships. It's wrong of him to have gotten involved with your best friend and equally wrong of her to allow it to happen. Tell her childhood friendships are priceless and that you need her support to keep it strong. Sit together and find solutions that work for both of you.